A Short Story by Jude McLelland
I dreamed that you were an inventor. You invented a car that you could pull into two parts and drive to separate places, and when you put it back together, you could have friends sit in the middle. It was quite odd looking, and some unsophisticated person stole your idea and happened to have the money to make a prototype, and you know, now he’s rich.
I imagine if I ever did invent anything it would never get made, because I’m never going to have a job, and anyway, why are you dreaming at this time of the morning, it’s nearly four o’clock and you are never asleep by now.
I am always asleep by now, you just don’t pay any attention.
Look, if you see a shadow in the corner, maybe you should think of it as a cockroach and not a person. Just tell yourself it is a cockroach.
For one, idiot, I am pretty scared of cockroaches, and two, cognitive therapy only works on people that are irrationally afraid. All that I am afraid of is rational.
Cockroaches?
They are tiny and breed inside of jars full of cigarette buts, and they climb in your mouth and apparently perform musical numbers, and all of those things are unclean and creepy.
So if you are always asleep at this time of morning, and your fear of cockroaches and human intruders is entirely rational, then, why are you awake telling me about your odd dream?
Why are you awake listening?
Well I am not listening, I am reading.
You know I hate it when people try to tell you about their dreams, and they think it is enlightening and amazing and must be about death and new beginnings or a thumbtack in their foot is because their grandma’s trying to tell them to marry the man with a missing tooth because he will be prosperous and don’t have kids? Well, whatever, I just wanted to tell you how good you are at inventing things, evidently. Making a point, you know.
You made no point.
I made plenty point.
What is your point?
That… when I can’t sleep it is usually because I am thinking about this shit hey, not because of cockroaches or human intruders, just this normal shit, which leads me to believe you don’t think about this normal shit, and, maybe you are good at sleeping, maybe you’re just too lazy, to develop a sleeping disorder.
Maybe.
I am at my grandmothers you know, she isn’t alive anymore, but when I was little they used to tell me not to go into the drains because homeless people lived down there and brainwashed children into stealing food from their parents and then we would get grounded for stealing. Well I am at the place of my grandmother you know, and, she is just walking around looking at everyone, and they can’t see her, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know that I can see her, but she still looks at me from time to time. It’s kind of sad you know.
They used to have a tiny clay elephant that lived on their fence and it was embedded with sequins and stones and fake gold chains and you used to imagine amazing things about how it got there and when you got older you started to pull off the sequins and stones and fake gold chains and now the tiny clay elephant is so insignificant that you can’t even remember whether or not it is still there.
It might be.
It probably isn’t.
I suppose I am not exactly young anymore.
Do you think it was even real?
Probably not.
You know that thing is only tied twice.
I know. The two ties hold the other piece together but eventually it will come undone and I will probably lose it.
Maybe you should tie a third knot.
Nah. I’ll just wait and see.
I dreamed that you were an inventor. You invented a car that you could pull into two parts and drive to separate places, and when you put it back together, you could have friends sit in the middle. It was quite odd looking, and some unsophisticated person stole your idea and happened to have the money to make a prototype, and you know, now he’s rich.
I imagine if I ever did invent anything it would never get made, because I’m never going to have a job, and anyway, why are you dreaming at this time of the morning, it’s nearly four o’clock and you are never asleep by now.
I am always asleep by now, you just don’t pay any attention.
Look, if you see a shadow in the corner, maybe you should think of it as a cockroach and not a person. Just tell yourself it is a cockroach.
For one, idiot, I am pretty scared of cockroaches, and two, cognitive therapy only works on people that are irrationally afraid. All that I am afraid of is rational.
Cockroaches?
They are tiny and breed inside of jars full of cigarette buts, and they climb in your mouth and apparently perform musical numbers, and all of those things are unclean and creepy.
So if you are always asleep at this time of morning, and your fear of cockroaches and human intruders is entirely rational, then, why are you awake telling me about your odd dream?
Why are you awake listening?
Well I am not listening, I am reading.
You know I hate it when people try to tell you about their dreams, and they think it is enlightening and amazing and must be about death and new beginnings or a thumbtack in their foot is because their grandma’s trying to tell them to marry the man with a missing tooth because he will be prosperous and don’t have kids? Well, whatever, I just wanted to tell you how good you are at inventing things, evidently. Making a point, you know.
You made no point.
I made plenty point.
What is your point?
That… when I can’t sleep it is usually because I am thinking about this shit hey, not because of cockroaches or human intruders, just this normal shit, which leads me to believe you don’t think about this normal shit, and, maybe you are good at sleeping, maybe you’re just too lazy, to develop a sleeping disorder.
Maybe.
I am at my grandmothers you know, she isn’t alive anymore, but when I was little they used to tell me not to go into the drains because homeless people lived down there and brainwashed children into stealing food from their parents and then we would get grounded for stealing. Well I am at the place of my grandmother you know, and, she is just walking around looking at everyone, and they can’t see her, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know that I can see her, but she still looks at me from time to time. It’s kind of sad you know.
They used to have a tiny clay elephant that lived on their fence and it was embedded with sequins and stones and fake gold chains and you used to imagine amazing things about how it got there and when you got older you started to pull off the sequins and stones and fake gold chains and now the tiny clay elephant is so insignificant that you can’t even remember whether or not it is still there.
It might be.
It probably isn’t.
I suppose I am not exactly young anymore.
Do you think it was even real?
Probably not.
You know that thing is only tied twice.
I know. The two ties hold the other piece together but eventually it will come undone and I will probably lose it.
Maybe you should tie a third knot.
Nah. I’ll just wait and see.
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